Oxygen Will Blow Your Mind

Friends…something AMAZING has happened. And off the back of something horrible as well.

So, I was playing on my street corner, like it was a normal day. I’d just busted out a rendition of ‘Platypus Symphonica, Tales of the Creek Folk’, and I was moving onto my next set when I felt a tightness in my chest. A few hours later, I woke up in an oxygen chamber, with a doctor telling me that I’d developed late-onset asthma. Apparently it’s from excess consumption of frankincense, which just seems silly, because it’s what I use to clear my mind when I’m committing the day’s memories to my dream bank before bed.

Anyway, it turns out that I need to go shopping around Melbourne, oxygen chambers like that very one are sure to be around somewhere. My lungs are so caked in frankincense, myrrh, sandalwood and amber residue that I could use some help with breathing most of the time. And that, everyone, is why you need to maintain a distance of two feet from any incense burner. And then the most amazing thing happened as I was inside the oxygen chamber, namely that I felt my lungs clear, my high notes became even higher, and my brain became detoxed to a far greater degree than could even be achieved through the cleansing power of a savoy kale and spiced okra smoothie! Thoughts flowed thick and fast, like…rain. See how creative I’ve become!

I hear there are people selling portable oxygen chambers near Melbourne, and I NEED one. It’s essential to my continued self-care, creative goodness, song-writing potential and spiritual cleansing process. Also, the doctor said I needed regular sessions to clear all of the frankincense from my lungs and throat, otherwise I could die of severe anaemia. But mostly the spiritual thing.