New Kitchen, Please and Thank You, Universe

I’m a firm believer in the power of wishes, which is mostly because I’ve seen them come true. For real. My friend Jacob wished on a star, back when he was four years old and was just about to be sent to school, that he wouldn’t have to go. Boom, the next day he was in a serious tricycle crash, and his Mum decided that all other children were monsters and that he should be home-schooled. And then there was that time when we went to a museum on a school trip and there was a fountain outside, and I threw a whole dollar in to wish for my revenge on that bully, Patti Shaw. Boom…next day, Patti had her pigtails cut off on the bus…by me. The fountain’s wishing power gave me the strength!

So basically, I’m expecting my dream modern kitchen design to materialise any day now. I’ve wanted a new kitchen forever and a day, and for the longest time I’ve been…saving. Ugh, SAVING. Why bother doing something so hard when you can literally just ask the universe to give it to you, for free? The universe is loaded, it can afford it. So that’s why I withdrew five-hundred dollars and went to my nearest wishing well (they’re the most powerful form of wish granting, owning to their deep capacity for wish-granting energy). Dumped the whole thing in there and wished super hard for about an hour or so, asking the universe to let me wake up one day with the kitchen of my dreams. Now, I’m sort of unclear on the mechanics, because it’s an imprecise science. Like, is wishing for longer good, or negligible? Did I have to picture what I wanted my full kitchen makeover to look like in my head, or did the universe just know already? All valid questions, but it’s done now. All that’s left to do is to go to bed and wake up to see the kitchen totally renovated overnight, to my precise specifications, even the ones I haven’t thought of.

I mean, a shooting star would’ve been a much more solid bet, but…beggars can’t be choosers, you know?